CONVERSATIONS — RELATIONSHIPS & FAMILY SYSTEMS
Hans-Joachim Maaz
The False Life: You're Supposed to Function, Not Be Yourself
In this conversation, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Hans-Joachim Maaz explores how childhood experiences shape identity, relationships and our tendency to adapt to dysfunctional systems. He explains why we repeat familiar patterns, how the “false self” develops, and what it takes to live a more authentic and self-determined life.
Subtitles: German • English • Spanish
Listen on Spotify →
"We often choose partners who are supposed to replace the good mother or the good father - but no partner can fulfill that role."
Sep 6, 2026
Published
58 Min
Duration
Also on Spotify
Listen now
HANS-JOACHIM MAAZ
About this conversation
Key topics
Guest
Hans-Joachim Maaz explores how people learn to adapt to expectations instead of developing a secure sense of who they are. He connects childhood experiences with later relationship patterns, social conformity and what he calls “Normopathy”: a society in which unhealthy patterns become normal simply because they are widely shared. The conversation also turns toward change: reconnecting with emotions, developing greater autonomy and accepting the conflict that can arise when we stop playing the roles that dysfunctional systems expect from us.
Projection, expectations and partner choice
Reconnecting with suppressed emotions
Autonomy, self-knowledge and living more authentically
How the false self develops in childhood
Normopathy and social conformity
Why we repeat childhood patterns in relationships
Hans-Joachim Maaz
Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and bestselling author known for his work on Normopathy, the false self and the psychological impact of societal conditions.
Episode highlights
00:00
00:44
03:04
08:04
12:27
19:22
22:51
25:41
32:17
34:27
37:50
42:06
47:32
52:56
56:02
Why We Are Afraid of Love and Peace
The False Life and Normopathy
How Children Become Alienated from Themselves
Without a Secure Identity: Dependent on the Outside World
Adaptation, Manipulation and the Compulsion to Repeat
Why We Repeat Familiar Relationship Patterns
Projection, Blame and False Expectations
What Is Emotional Suppression and How Can We Release It?
Early Developmental Disturbances, Survival Fear and Therapeutic Safety
Can We Heal in an Unhealthy Environment?
When You No Longer Fulfil Your Old Role
Overcoming Self-Doubt and Finding Your Own Orientation
Society as a Narcissistic System
Death as a Compass for an Authentic Life
Final Thoughts
"Many people are more afraid of love and peace than anything else."
HANS-JOACHIM MAAZ
RELATED ARTICLE
ARTICLE
When Therapy Works, Life No Longer Fits
How we learn to function from an early age, and what happens when we stop
Therapy can reduce suffering while disrupting the life that was built around adaptation. Drawing on Hans-Joachim Maaz's work, this article explores why change can strain relationships, families and careers, and what those ruptures may reveal about the old system.
RELATED CONTENT
Stay connected
Get new conversations, articles and insights straight into your inbox.